Advanced Maternal Age: Something to Celebrate

Hello all! Coming at you live, at about 16 weeks pregnant with my second baby by the time this publishes, and I am ready to talk about all of the positive things around “advanced maternal age.” For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “advanced maternal age” is the language used by researchers and medical professionals to define pregnancy at or after the age of 35. This term has been around since the 1950s, with some variations including “elderly pregnancy” and “geriatric pregnancy.” If those are the alternatives, I’ll stick with advanced maternal age (or AMA). The threshold is somewhat arbitrary in that, it signifies a gradual decline in fertility and an increase in maternal and baby risk factors– aka, there is no magic drop that happens between 34 and 35. I’m not going to sugarcoat this– the risks are there, but perhaps not as dramatic as you’d think and there are subgroups under this (35-39, 40-44, 45+). As an example, the risk of miscarrying between the 30-34 range and the 35-39 range is only about a 5% difference. I digress. If you’re looking for credible sources to look up statistics, studies, and research on, I’d recommend the CDC and the ACOG. Always do your homework. 

Despite these risks, the average maternal age has increased over time.  During the 1970s the average maternal age was 21.4 years compared to 27.1 years in 2022. As of 2020, 19% of all pregnancies were women 35 or older. For those of us comparing our mom-age to our mothers and grandmothers, it’s not just you. It’s all of us! I know that, for many women, delaying pregnancy isn’t always a choice.  The good news is that fertility treatments have come SO far, allowing women the ability to have a happy, healthy pregnancy later than in years past. Socially, more women are choosing to go to college, prioritize their careers, and marry later. I say all of this to make it clear that if you are over 35 and pregnant, you are most definitely not alone. 

Disclaimer: This is not to knock any mamas out there who had or are choosing to have children younger– at all. There are various benefits to having kids earlier in life; for some reason, Instagram must think that’s me because I am targeted by all of the reels associated with this. I’m simply providing a different point of view for mamas out there who are having children at a later age, or would like to, but have a lot of fear and anxiety over an assumed stigma. So, without further adieu, let’s get to it! 

FOUR PERKS OF ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE

To make this as comprehensive as possible, I polled my Instagram audience and received so many wonderful responses. While I could have written this solely from my perspective, I want to demonstrate that there are a lot of moms out there who are happily starting motherhood after the age of 35.  Thank you to everyone who provided insight here! I’ve tried to bucket these down into concise categories. Trust me, the list does not end here. Terms like stability, confidence, support, and, even body image, were common amongst the responses I received. If there is anything I’m missing please share– community is so incredibly important and there is tremendous power in knowing you aren’t alone in whatever journey you may be on.

Perk Number One of Advanced Maternal Age: Financial/Career Stability

I think back to my 20s, as I was grinding away and, let’s face it, living paycheck to paycheck trying to figure out my career path. While Matt and I could have reasonably supported a family then, it was, by no means, an ideal time. Generally speaking, and I repeat “generally” because I know unique experiences exist everywhere, by the time you reach your mid-to-late 30s, you’ve likely had time to establish yourself professionally, make strides in your career, and create a more solid financial foundation. For me, this means more resources to invest in family experiences, childcare, and the ability to take maternity leave without fear of derailing my career. After navigating new motherhood amidst immense loss, while simultaneously continuing to build my career, I find myself in a place of greater security and confidence—both in my role as a mom and as a professional. Paul and I can plan and invest in our growing family without the added stress of what that will “do to us” financially.  I’m not alone. Here are a few of your thoughts on financial/career stability: 

• “I was much more mature and financially set. I am so glad I waited!”
• “Being more settled in my career and not worrying so much about missing time at work.”
• “Feeling prepared enough to provide a stable life for my baby.”
• “When I had my first child, I had a lot of fear around money and being able to support a child when I barely felt like I could support myself. When I had my second child in my late 30s, I felt independently established enough that it was a non-issue. It made the “shopping for baby” much more enjoyable!”
• “I have a bit of a different angle, but still relevant. We ended up needing medical intervention to have a baby and it took a long time. I was 40 when I had my first. Those bills added up and the time I had to take off work also added up. I was secure and valued enough that I never felt anxiety over how it would affect my job or ability to earn in the future.” 

Perk Number Two of Advanced Maternal Age: Feeling More Grounded 

While financial and career stability seemed to be the leading “perk” in my poll, emotional and general life stability came in strong. Personally, I feel so much more confident in who I am now than I did, even in my early 30s. I’ve dealt with, at times, crippling anxiety for most of my life. It’s taken time through therapy and consistent self-work, to learn how to manage that anxiety. Taking out the fact that I’ve been to hell and back, and survived, I am more confident and at peace with who I am now than ever before. This, in turn, makes me a better mother, less focused on my shortcomings, and able to be the role model I want to be for my children. I’ve been lucky enough to have two husbands who have both been incredible emotional support systems– but now, I don’t need to rely on that external reinforcement. Stability comes in all forms. Perhaps it was buying your first home. Perhaps your lifestyle has changed organically, making it less of a shock to bring a little one into the picture. Perhaps you had personal goals that you prioritized before having children. It is not selfish to focus on your own health, career, social life, and stability before choosing to bring another life into this world.

Here’s what Instagram had to say:

• “It felt like finding a missing puzzle piece. Being more established makes it easier.”
• “I feel like I was a lot calmer. I was 38, and it was my 3rd, and I just tried to enjoy it more.”
• “Dad here, but you get to enjoy being a parent while not giving a crap about what other people think!” (love the honesty here!)
• “I feel like I’d appreciate it all a little more, me more mindful and much less anxious.”
• ” I am so grateful I had time to get myself together before having kids. It would have been so much harder, personally, doing all the self-work I’ve done with kids.”
• “ I can’t even imagine having my baby in my late 20s or even early 30s. I love that I had that time to freely travel, hang out with my friends until all hours, and live that life. It allowed me to appreciate the transition to motherhood so much more. I was ready.”

Perk Number Three of Advanced Maternal Age: Greater External Support System

Honestly, this perk never crossed my mind, but it is so true! Who out there is forever grateful for their support system!? Ten years ago, my parents and in-laws were all still working, and while we were lucky to see them all more frequently than most who live a distance from their families, it was less convenient for them to travel down to Baltimore for an extended period. When Matt got sick, and we had a newborn in the house, our need for support increased exponentially. I truly have saints for parents and in-laws. My mom ended up retiring, moved down to Maryland, and provided childcare that entire year. My in-laws had to deal with the stress of balancing work with traveling down to support, never once complaining, but it was stressful nonetheless. Now, all grandparents are retired on all sides of our ever-growing family, except my father who may never retire. Then there’s friend support– I am so grateful for the emotional support system I have in place of my friend-crew now mom-crew. Even if it’s just to share relatable memes and reels. They get me. Here’s your take on maternal support systems during this phase of life: 

• “Parents/In-Laws are retired so we don’t need daycare yet.”
• “I have more friends who have children now than don’t– that would not have been the case when I was in my 20s. So, we’re able to help each other out more and, sometimes, commiserate together 🙂.”
• “My husband and I are much more flexible now when it comes to hiring babysitters or, even, asking older family members to watch our little one, if we want to do a date night.”
• “This sounds silly, but my friends were much more established and mature by the time I had kids, and they were able to help out and even know what I needed most when I was pregnant with my baby at 39. They started a meal train sign-up before I was even seven months pregnant!”
• “My children are ten years apart and my oldest is able to help out with his little sister so much! I did not have that kind of support with him and it is endearing to see their relationship flourish.”

Perk Number of Four of Advanced Maternal Age: Extra Screenings and Ultrasounds

While some may see all the screenings and ultrasounds as a downside, our group of advanced maternal-aged moms appreciates them! As mentioned at the beginning of the blog post, advanced maternal age does come with its risks, and therefore, requires more oversight and more testing. If you take the glass half-full angle, that means you get to see your baby more and receive more “peace of mind” testing covered by insurance! We didn’t find out Bryson’s sex until our 20-week anatomy scan. It is wild that we already know Jellybean is a girl which takes my overplanning brain to new heights. Right now, aside from NIPT, which screened for risk of any abnormalities and provided the baby’s sex, my care is pretty much the same as it was with Bryson. My doctor did inform me that later in pregnancy, I may have additional ultrasounds and testing just to make sure the baby and I are healthy. Of note, my doctor also said that at 38, my care is very similar to non-advanced maternal-age moms. Changes really don’t happen until at least 41+, unless there are other compilations or comorbidities.   Here’s how you feel about the extra screening:

• “Enjoy the extra insurance-covered tests and scans that come with AMA!”
• “You get to find the gender out sooner!”
• “The attention I got, especially later in pregnancy, was so much better with my second (38) than my first (34). Literally, only a four-year difference, but doctors were way more attentive and I got to see my baby more!” 
• “Loved seeing my baby more the second time around!” 

Advanced Maternal Age may seem a little taboo, but I hope this blog post provided peace of mind and confirmation that having children later in your childbearing years is not a problem, stigma, or something to be ashamed of. It’s becoming more of a norm based on social and economic conditions, in addition to, medical advancements that make it possible and less scary to have a baby over 35. If celebrities can do it, so can we. Sure, I may be creeping close to 60 by the time Jellybean graduates college, but hey, I’ve heard 60 is the new 50, so watch me shine.

Back in real-time, I’m feeling pretty great physically at 16 weeks. I still get tired at night, but I also wake up at 5 AM, so not sure if that’s my internal clock, pregnancy-related, or both. Emotionally, it’s been a tough couple of weeks; we unexpectedly and very suddenly lost my dog, Charlie, who many of you have known or seen featured in this blog over the years. I’m sad knowing Jellybean will never know Charlie, but I am so grateful to have had Charlie by my side through the rollercoaster I’ve been on. He truly is the best dog, and his stories will live on for so many of us. Thank you for a great ten years Chuck-a-roo. I hope you and your OG dog dad are playing endless games of fetch somewhere out there.

In the coming weeks, I’ll have more content coming at you, including a Q&A with Paul! If you have any questions for the dad-to-be, make sure to comment or send them over to me. This will be a good one! We’re also going to start the Baby Name Bracket! For all my loyal followers, you know how much fun the last baby name guessing game was– we want to make this one even better! Stay tuned friends.

Until next time,

Xtina