Bump Diaries: The Sequel

It’s true– Baby Girl Goldsholl is joining the Wolf Pac in March of ‘25!

I had big plans of continuing to write after my last blog post– plans to write about starting this next chapter, potentially trying for another baby, and building this next phase of our lives. And then…I found out I was pregnant! Very on-brand for the past couple of years, it all happened in a whirlwind. If you are one of my long-time readers, you may have followed my first pregnancy with Bry. It was such a special experience documenting my journey. Capturing those moments in time, moments unadulterated by what happened after Bryson’s birth has meant more to me than I can ever put into words. Naturally, I want to have that same chronological record of this pregnancy for Baby G, or Jellybean as she will be affectionately referred to until her name is revealed. 

And, just as this pregnancy is different, I want this blog series to be a little different. So, while some of the topics may overlap a little, there are new topics I’ll cover, like pregnancy at this stage of my life, emotional differences and similarities, and so much more. Speaking of differences, while there have been some of the “same old” in this pregnancy so far, there have been so many differences, and I figure, that’s a great place to kick off this series. So without further adieu, let’s hop right in. 

On June 26th, Paul and I found out we were pregnant. Shock mixed with some tempered excitement is the best way to describe it. Similarly to Bryson’s pregnancy, it has been a long fourteen weeks of keeping our lips sealed, navigating through the uncertainty of the first trimester, and witnessing all the changes that come with growing a little one. I am eternally grateful that thus far, we have had no issues, complications, or actual alarms, even if my brain wanted to tell me otherwise. And, that may be where the similarities end. 

Difference One: Things happened quickly. 

Paul and I purposefully tried NOT to get pregnant leading up to the wedding for clear reasons, though we had been talking about wanting another child for quite some time. I had always wanted Bryson to have a sibling, but after everything happened, I wasn’t sure if that would be in the cards for us. If you followed my first pregnancy, you’d know that it took Matt and me about six months to a year depending on when you earmark the start of our fertility journey. I meticulously tracked my ovulation and did all the things to try and get pregnant without needing medical assistance. I was also younger (more on that later), so I assumed it would take a bit longer this time around. Well, I was drastically wrong. 

I’m sure a few people are doing the math, trying to figure out if this was a honeymoon or even a pre-wedding baby. If our assumptions are correct, we got pregnant right after we got back from our honeymoon– so almost a honeymoon baby, but not quite. After the wedding, we mutually decided to let things happen as they would. I wasn’t ready to jump fully into the anxiety-ridden, tracking path right after getting married. I figured it may come to that sooner rather than later, but I needed a few months of not stressing out. So, when I took an old, cheap pregnancy test because I had a “weird feeling,”, and saw a faint line, I didn’t know if I believed it or not. Watermark maybe? There was no way it would show this early even if I was pregnant (which I still had a hard time believing). Paul immediately raced out to Walgreens to buy a trusted First Response test and then insisted that he be the first to look. I ceded to that thinking it would come back negative. Wrong again. Two tests from two different brands with two lines clearly showing. The next day, I took a digital, and sure enough, pregnant. At that point, I believed it. We are pregnant and it happened fast.

Difference Two: Geriatric Pregnant Lady Coming at You. 

Don’t worry, I despise that term too, as I’d assume most moms do. Medical professionals now use the term “advanced maternal age.”  The jury is out on whether or not I care for that term either. I was 32 when I was pregnant with Bryson; now I’m 38. That six-year difference may not mean too much when you’re in your 20s and early 30s, but once you cross that 35 mark, it’s a different ball game. There are more risks, like a greater chance of miscarriage or chromosomal abnormalities, and pregnancy-related conditions, like preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. I did a lot of research, per usual, over the initial period before my first doctor’s appointment. Most of my research helped ease my anxiety– I re-read Expecting Better, and still highly recommend it to any first-time moms. I was fully prepared to get all the warnings and concerns during my first appointment at 8 weeks, but my doctor seemed relatively nonchalant about my age. I brought it up to her, and she recommended getting non-invasive prenatal testing (NIPT), but that was the only “extra” recommendation. The baby looked healthy; I’m healthy. Later on in my pregnancy, I may have more monitoring, but as of now, it’s business as usual. 

We had our NIPT done at our 12-week appointment along with other blood work, my least favorite part of being pregnant, and then the wait began. This test tells us whether or not we’re at high risk for any genetic abnormalities AND also tells us the sex of the fetus by analyzing fragments of the baby’s DNA. The 6 days it took to get the results felt like an eternity– for Paul and I. The anxiety over the “what ifs” was real. And then, on September 2nd, we got our results. Everything came back low risk (HUGE RELIEF), and we’re having a girl! 

So many of my friends have had children in their mid-30s- early 40s, so honestly, I don’t feel like a “pregnancy elder.” I think there are a lot of positives– I’m more confident, have a better relationship with and grace for my body, and I’ve developed the tools to manage my anxiety. This topic will be another blog post because ironically, despite the growing number of women choosing to have babies later, there are not a lot of relatable blogs and vlogs out there on this topic. Trust me, I looked and now I’m even more inspired to share more about pregnancy at this stage in life than ever before. Stay tuned. 

Difference Three: Symptoms on steroids.

With Bryson, I had some mild nausea that would usually hit me around 11 AM every day throughout the first trimester. Along with that came a mid-day fog I’d power through. Jellybean did not let me get out of the first trimester so easily. The nausea and dry heaving felt relentless, typically hitting me first thing in the morning and in the evening. At this point, I should have bought stock in Saltine Minis and Canada Dry Zero. I brought back my trusty Preggo Pop Drops at about week 7 and haven’t looked back. Luckily, as I started my second trimester, the nausea seems to be subsiding. Knock. On. Wood. 

Then, there’s the exhaustion. Remember, it’s been six years since I’ve been pregnant. I’m at a much different place in my life, personally and professionally. For one, Charlie was the only “dependent” I had in 2018; now I have an energetic five-year-old who doesn’t understand why sometimes I just don’t have the energy to play soccer or basketball or go to the park. Professionally, I’m in a demanding leadership role with more pressure, meetings, and the necessity to be “on.”  Juggling the demands of my role with the physical exhaustion of growing a human has left me falling asleep on the couch at 8 PM almost every night for the past 3 months. I fell asleep mid-text with one of my best friends the other night. Wild. 

Now let’s talk “the bump.” Whether bloating, my growing uterus, or my growing baby, my bump at 14 weeks is equivalent in size to where I was at 18/20 weeks pregnant with Bryson. I am not exaggerating and will find photographic evidence to support this. My weight isn’t drastically different– I weighed a little less heading into this pregnancy and have stayed on par with the trajectory I had with Bryson. But the bump is so much bigger! Baby girl is making herself known. I’ll be interested to see if it evens out at some point– second and third-time moms out there, any thoughts?

While there may not be a huge difference in types of symptoms between the two pregnancies, this one has felt more intense. Luckily, I’ve had a great support system in Paul to help me navigate through this first-trimester fun. 

Difference Four: The emotional baggage is there.

Of course, one of the biggest differences between these two pregnancies is the emotional baggage I’m bringing to the table– and I hate to say it like that. But, as I read through my first series of blogs, I remember the overwhelming excitement and joy and future planning Matt and I did. From the small moments like the random conversations we’d have around the table discussing “18 years from now, we’ll be bringing Bryson to college” to moving into our “forever home,” everything seemed so normal, unjaded, and typical. Up until my final blog post before giving birth, we remained in this unaltered state of normalcy. And then, everything fell apart. Emergency Rooms, Scans, Sleepless nights panicking in the hospital right after Bryson was born, not knowing what was happening to my husband. It’s not something you forget, no matter how much my brain wants to repress that life explosion. 

I still harbor the fear that something terrible will happen– what shoe is waiting to drop and steal joy this time around? I’m still angry that Matt, Bryson, and I were robbed of that special time as a family. How quickly life changed for us. How quickly life can always change. It’s easy to spiral into a web of fear and impending doom, especially when you’ve lived through the worst. Over these past five years, whether through survival, or coaching or a wonderful therapist, or all of the above, I’ve learned critical tools to help me genuinely manage these thoughts. In that spirit, I will do everything in my power to take in all the happy and exciting moments this time around. I had no control over what happened to Matt, to us, but I do have control now to choose what I focus on and how I approach this pregnancy. I suppose, I’m even more aware and tuned into the little moments along this journey. 

Difference Five: I’m seasoned, and Paul is not.

As many parents of multiples know, you kind of know what to expect when you head into another pregnancy. I’ve read all the books, gone through the fun of picking out a name, nursery theme, registry list, etc. I know how most of my doctor’s appointments go, what tests I’ll be getting, and so on. This is old hat for me now. But for Paul, all of this is new! Watching him read his dad book, research all the names on Nameberry, and genuinely look forward to picking out registry items, is as heartwarming as it is exciting; it’s akin to getting those first-time parent bursts of excitement all over again. I am so grateful for that. It’s also, I believe, helped him. When Matt and I were going through all of the chaos of trying to understand everything that came along with being pregnant and then being first-time parents, we both didn’t have the answers. At that point in time, we were still among the first in our group of friends to have a baby. For Paul, I’ve been able to preview it all for him and plan accordingly. I’m able to prepare us both better for what’s to come– and he keeps everything a little more invigorating. 

I have to give a big shout-out to Paul here. He has been over the moon about this pregnancy since day one. He’s stepped in when I’ve been too exhausted to hold up my end of the chore list. He doesn’t hesitate to hop in the car at 8 PM to get me ginger ale or soup when I’m not feeling my best. The pure joy he gushes with about being a dad, and now a girl dad, is enough to bring tears to your eyes. While we both would be thrilled with either gender, he said from the get-go that he would love a girl because, and I quote, “I already have a son and he’d be a tough act to follow.” Cue the waterfall. 

There is so much more to share and I cannot wait to bring you all along for the ride. I hope you enjoy this new series as much as I’m going to enjoy writing about it. And yes, we will be bringing back a baby name guessing game, but it will look a little different– here’s a hint, baby’s approximate due date is about a week before March Madness. Who’s ready for a bracket? 

Until next time, 

Xtina