Mom Life
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We’re Moving to Baltimore!
Life is crazy, dear readers. Life. Is. Crazy. Last fall, I announced my decision to move up to Connecticut. Welp, that was short lived. In typical Xtina fashion, I’m here to let you all know, we’re moving back to Baltimore! If you knew me circa 2010/2011, this may sound strangely familiar. And yet, it is entirely different (but hey, it worked out for me, right?) A couple of years ago, I was forced into the position of redesigning my life and everything I thought it would be. With that, comes processing, changing, re-evaluating and figuring out what serves Bryson and I. Without having my counterpart to bounce these thoughts off of…
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Permission to Be “Ok” and “Not Ok” Moving Forward
A few weeks ago, when I had my overwhelming week, I felt so mentally drained. My thoughts were literally engaging in a mental tug of war. In my last blog post about giving myself permission to grow and live fully again, I spoke about the concept of post-traumatic growth, finding meaning in my life in the face of loss, and shedding some of the resistance to truly moving forward in my life. I’ve been doing a lot of self-work this year, figuring out how to integrate grief into my life now so that I can help myself and, ultimately, help others while still honoring the loss and the gaping hole…
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One Year Without You, Matt
Over the course of the year, I’ve shared my experiences as a young, widowed mom. I’ve done everything in my power to preserve Matt’s legacy, show the world what an incredible (and slightly off-center) person he was, and to continue fighting for him every damn day. I’ve probably overshared some of my deepest fears, concerns, and experiences.
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I’m Moving: The New England Chapter
The secret has already been revealed, especially to all my friends and social media followers. I made the bittersweet decision to move back up to New England. This decision was far from easy and the single most challenging decision I’ve had to make since Matt’s death. I have a lot of thoughts around this choice. I know many of you had questions around it as well; so, I’m going to dig into the nitty gritty and explain the why and how I came about committing to this astronomical change. When I sold my house and decided to rent, I chose to do this because I needed time, less responsibility,…
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A Matter of Hope, Vacation, and Mini-Life Update
What happened to August? No idea. What happened in August? Everything. So much to talk about, I don’t even know where to begin. We’ll start with the obvious, my passion project, A Matter of Hope. Leading up to A Matter of Hope, I had this really calm assurance that everything would work out how it was supposed to. Trust me, after spending months pivoting, changing plans, and looking for ways to make this work, my random optimism was personally quite refreshing. I guess I felt like we did everything possible to make this successful, and at the end of the day, that’s all that mattered. It helped that we surpassed…
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Fear through the eyes of a young widow
Hello friends. Thank you all for the support of my “How to Help A Griever” blog post. It may have been somewhat controversial; that was not the intention. It was a glimpse into, or perhaps a reminder of, the support needed as a griever. I truly do appreciate all of the support I’ve received over the past eight months; I know I’m not the last person to grieve the traumatic loss, and I hope that my posts continue to help people on both sides of loss. On another note, I am really bad at keeping up with this blog, mainly because of the 40K other things that take precedence in…
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Mother’s Day 2020
The one constant across all my mom friends and of my mom role models is this: You love your child unconditionally, through the best times and the worst times, and beyond. That love can hurt; it can also heal. "Being there" can harbor different meanings at different moments, and it's not always obvious and straightforward.
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Navigating through the pandemic, widow life, and other questions.
Considering the fact that over the past 4 months, I lost my best friend and gained the terrible title of widow at the age of 33 (almost 34), got quarantined in my new apartment because of a worldwide pandemic, and share a bed with a one-year old, crib-hating ninja warrior (who I love, dearly), I’d say I’m doing alright; I’m still kicking over here.
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MY RESPONSE TO COVID-19
When you’re in the trenches and forced into an alternate reality, it gives you little time to complain or lament; in effect, you’re just trying to figure out how to adjust and survive.
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Bryson’s First Trip Around the Sun: What I learned during year one
As much as 2019 really bit the big one, something very, very special happened: our son Bryson was born.
