Moving Forward
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This is 39: Reflections and Goals for 2025 (and 39)
Well, we almost made it friends– and 2024 has been a wild one. As I sit down to reflect on 2024, on the eve of my 39th birthday, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this past year. I didn’t create a “word of the year” for myself in 2024, but if I did, it would have been “rebuild.” That’s not to say all of the rebuilding happened in 2024– it’s been years of resetting, digging into the foundation and core of who I am and what I want from this life, and reflection. And, let’s be honest, I’m still a work in progress. Aren’t we…
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Five Years Without You– A Letter to Matt
Tomorrow, Christmas Eve will mark five years since Matt left this earth. Five years of grief, change, and learning to exist in a world I never imagined. So much has changed, and yet, so much remains. About a month after Matt died, I penned a letter to him. It seems fitting to do the same, five years later. Five years feels like five minutes and five lifetimes. The initial sting of acute grief has dissipated, but new faces of grief emerge. The fear that accompanies time and distance. As I hold onto Matt’s memory and legacy, will other people? Will they remember his presence as vividly as I do? Even…
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Enjoying Life in the “And”
Dearest readers– Just kidding. I’m no Lady Whistledown. She’s great about committing to a weekly release. I did just finish Season 3 of Bridgerton so it felt timely. It has been quite a while since my last blog post– a post that was strangely challenging to write and since then, I’ve had a hard time getting back to the keyboard for one reason or another. If you’re on my email list, you already know that it’s partly due to some anxiety and fear around sharing this next chapter with all of you. Change is scary. I’ve shared so much over these past four years, specifically about my grief as a…
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Our Next Chapter Has Begun
Eighteen months. It’s been a year and a half since I last took pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and wrote on this blog. So much has happened. So much has changed. And there is just so much to share. Last time I checked in, you all learned about my “Band-Aid” date. Welp, Spoiler alert– I’m ENGAGED! Today, I’ll give you a quick run-through of how this all transpired. Many of you may know most of this, so hopefully, this isn’t too redundant and if it is, I promise, there will be more posts to come. Let’s begin with where I’ve been for the last eighteen months. This blog…
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The Band-Aid Date: My First, First Date as a Widow
Let’s cut to the chase friends, I went on my first date. In my last blog post, I mentioned I set a goal for my first, first date and I beat that goal. Please, hold your applause. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to structure this widow dating series to be helpful, slightly entertaining, and, naturally, hit at the core of all the complexities that go along with this adventure. For each post of this series, I’ll have a topic I discuss along with my chronicle of these dating experiences. I will not review every single date I go on, but I think the first one is…
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Dating Update
Hello friends. This week has been heavy, on a macro level. I’ve tried to balance following the war in Ukraine, donating to reputable, vetted causes, finding credible sources, and carrying on with our day-to-day life, knowing that in the background, people are experiencing this unthinkable, unjust terror. My club, the one no one ever wants to be a part of, will grow exponentially as a result of this war. People will die, as so many have in the past, defending their homes, their families, their land, and their freedom. It is gut wrenching. And yet, I still feel the heaviness and the hard of my little world; it seems so insignificant…
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Charleston– You are so Charming
Well, we are almost through February, which means, we’re almost through the doldrums of winter. High five. This year, anticipating that February would be, well, f*ing February, I decided to plan a trip to somewhere slightly warmer with Bryson. This was our first trip as a family of two, without any grandparent help, which may not seem like a big deal, but it was. It meant that I was in charge of all the planning, preparing, carseat handling, stroller maneuvering, and everything that goes along with traveling with a child. I’ve discussed secondary losses in previous blog posts, and this fits right in. Having a travel partner meant I had…
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And Just like that, it’s been two years.
Hello blog family. I write this special blog post in anticipation of the two year mark of life on earth without Matt here. Two years of trying to figure out who I am without my person. Two years of navigating a space I never, in a million years, assumed I’d be navigating. I don’t feel like the same person I was two years ago, just as that person was vastly different from the woman I was in the years preceeding the collapse of our world. I hope Matt is witnessing all of this; that he is behind me, holding me up when I feel like I may collapse. That even…
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The Holidays in Grief: Another Secondary Loss
It’s taken me some time to get this blog post up, partly because this time of year, in general, is still hard to process. I’ve honestly thought about taking an actual break from it all; from writing my blog, from social media in general, from publicly transcribing this very real journey I’m on. The loss of Matt, the roller coasters of emotions, my journey into dating. Is it too much? Is it too heavy? For me. For my readers. For my family and friends who have, to some degree, had to relive this devastation and walk alongside me in the aftermath. Ironically, this morning, I received an email from one…
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Identity Loss in Widowhood
We made it! It has been a hot second, blog family. But we made it to Baltimore! Bryson and I are settled into our new home, and have been busy with all the things. Work, friends and family get togethers, outdoor festivals, local trips, and exploring the city streets. Bryson is now a walking, Baltimore GPS system and can name more of the streets, by sight, than I can. Needless to say, I’m pretty impressed. And me? I am feeling more settled than I have in a while. In the wake of another successful A Matter of Hope event, I also completed an intense life coach certification program. That’s right, you…
