Moving Forward
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A Matter of Hope 2020 vs. A Matter of Hope 2021: A Reflection on My Personal Growth
What a month, friends. Last we spoke, I let you all know that Bryson, Chuck, and I are moving back to Baltimore! A week from today, we close on our house in Charm City and give Baltimore a second breath of Sgambato-life. Can’t get rid of us that easy! If you missed my announcement, make sure to check out my Baltimore blog post, where I go into a bit more detail on why I made this decision and all the factors contributing to this decision. As our close date swiftly approaches, and A Matter of Hope-2021 wraps up, I’ve been doing some reflecting on what I’ve learned over this past…
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We’re Moving to Baltimore!
Life is crazy, dear readers. Life. Is. Crazy. Last fall, I announced my decision to move up to Connecticut. Welp, that was short lived. In typical Xtina fashion, I’m here to let you all know, we’re moving back to Baltimore! If you knew me circa 2010/2011, this may sound strangely familiar. And yet, it is entirely different (but hey, it worked out for me, right?) A couple of years ago, I was forced into the position of redesigning my life and everything I thought it would be. With that, comes processing, changing, re-evaluating and figuring out what serves Bryson and I. Without having my counterpart to bounce these thoughts off of…
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A Quick Widow Life Update
It’s been a while, friends. We’ve had a lot going on these past few months. On top of my day job and taking care of a tyrannical two year old, I started my coaching certification in April, Bryson and I both came down with some nasty viruses (props to daycare), A Matter of Hope is in full swing, and we’ve had a few *gasp* trips. The world appears to be opening back up again and I am here for it. Along with the excitement though, comes a little anxiety. Aside from the brief, blurry two months I had in early widowhood, I haven’t known the “old normal” without Matt by my…
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Preconceptions About Dating As A Young Widow
About a month ago, I wrote my first “dating” blog post touching on my revelation that I’m ready to date again. In that post, I mentioned I still have preconceptions about dating I wanted to work through, which brings us here. While I haven’t spoken much about dating since that post, quite a few friends and family members (I think), felt a little relieved to talk to me about it without “offending” me. I’m not easily offended, but I appreciate their level of care. For the record, I still haven’t gone on any dates or even remotely spoken to someone with the potential of going on a date. I’ve been…
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Keeping Their Memory Alive in Grief
Last weekend was rough. To be honest, weekends aren’t what they used to be right now; one could argue, are they ever? If you’re on my email list, you know all of the thoughts floating around in my head that probably led to a climactic, post-shower cry session. In my “Fear” blog post I wrote back in August of last year, I discussed my fear of the gap; time passing between Matt’s death and the present. I worry about forgetting intricate pieces of Matt; his touch, his laugh, his gaze. All of it. I worry that memories will fall into an abyss and that I will inherently feel “less connected”…
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Permission to Be “Ok” and “Not Ok” Moving Forward
A few weeks ago, when I had my overwhelming week, I felt so mentally drained. My thoughts were literally engaging in a mental tug of war. In my last blog post about giving myself permission to grow and live fully again, I spoke about the concept of post-traumatic growth, finding meaning in my life in the face of loss, and shedding some of the resistance to truly moving forward in my life. I’ve been doing a lot of self-work this year, figuring out how to integrate grief into my life now so that I can help myself and, ultimately, help others while still honoring the loss and the gaping hole…
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Permission To Date Again As a Young Widow
A couple weeks ago, I was having A WEEK. Sometimes, all of this can be so, overwhelming. And if there’s one thing I know, nothing productive comes from a feeling of “overwhelm.” So, I gave myself permission to take a day off from work for no reason at all except to work through all the messiness happening inside my brain. And what I realized was, it’s time to start giving myself permission. And that, my friends, is the inspiration for this three part blog series. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing three different points of “permission,” starting things off with the heaviest of the three, “permission to date…
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Fear through the eyes of a young widow
My Wedding Rings
We’re Moving to Baltimore!
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My Wedding Rings
I did a thing. I knew this decision, this choice, would happen sporadically. It had to. On Saturday morning, I woke up and asked my mom if she would come with me, as I sought out the perfect chain to put my rings on. I went to Garieri Jewelers in Sturbridge MA and found the most elegent, rose gold chain to put my wedding ring and engagement ring on. It’s been almost 14 months since Matt died; for the past six months, I’ve had a lot of mind drama over taking my rings off. I scoured blogs, widow groups, and podcasts trying to find even the smallest amount of guidance…
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The Reality of Grief
I recently posted my Sunday update calling for questions from you all. And then I realized, WTF am I doing? I could hear Matt saying “Christina, write what you want to write. No need to censor it or try to appease everyone else.” The truth is, I knew what I wanted to write, but I worry that writing about the reality of grief is “too dark” for people. Most of my readers are family, friends, old classmates, and people I’m connected to outside the grief world (nope, still not a famous blogger over here). Reading about grief is not uplifting and it is definitely not for the person looking for…
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One Year Without You, Matt
Over the course of the year, I’ve shared my experiences as a young, widowed mom. I’ve done everything in my power to preserve Matt’s legacy, show the world what an incredible (and slightly off-center) person he was, and to continue fighting for him every damn day. I’ve probably overshared some of my deepest fears, concerns, and experiences.
