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Second Trimester Recap: Navigating New Emotions and Familiar Challenges
How are we here already? Sometimes it feels like time is flying and other times I’m asking “Are we there yet?” We will officially say goodbye to the second trimester on Sunday, and it feels like the perfect time to reflect on the past few months of this pregnancy journey. From surprising symptoms to emotional revelations, this trimester has been a whirlwind and a window into the complex layers of second-time motherhood. Here’s how things have unfolded—the wonderful, the challenging, and everything in between. Second Trimester Symptoms: Same Ride, Different Stops Every pregnancy is unique, and this one has certainly proven that point. While some symptoms mirrored those I experienced…
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The 2024 Baby Registry Checklist: Essentials for Baby (and Gifts for Moms, Too!)
When I found out I was expecting my second child, I thought I’d have everything figured out—I mean, I’d done this before, right? But as the weeks went by, I realized that even as a “seasoned” mom, creating a registry (and deciding whether to have a shower) can still feel overwhelming. This is why I decided to create my personal 2024 baby registry checklist and share my tips with all of you. The truth is, no two pregnancies are alike, and deciding what’s right for you and your family is incredibly personal. After a lot of thought, and some nudging from my mom, friends, and sisters-in-law, I decided to create…
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Building our Next Chapter: A Q&A with my husband on partnering and parenting with a widow.
Hello friends. I cannot tell you how excited I am to share this blog. You have spent years following this story from my perspective as a young widow. Now, I’m bringing in a different perspective– one from the person on the other side of the love after loss chapter- my second husband, Paul. As we prepare to welcome our baby girl, Paul and I sat down to reflect on the journey that brought us to this moment—one woven with love, resilience, and a shared commitment to building a life together. So much of my story has been about navigating loss, healing, and finding joy again, but there’s another side to…
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Balancing Joy and Grief in my Second Pregnancy after Widowhood
Navigating Complex Emotions: Joy, Fear, and Grief Hi friends– coming to you live, 19 weeks pregnant, and in this blog post, I’m bringing you all deeper into my psyche and experience, as I balance joy, grief, and a slew of complicated emotions during this second pregnancy after losing Matt and beginning this next chapter with Paul. Before we get into that, I’ve had a lot of questions about how things are going right now. Physically, the second trimester has been much easier. My nausea has subsided, I have more energy (most of the time) and, now, it’s just a matter of watching my belly grow and my body rapidly change.…
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Advanced Maternal Age: Something to Celebrate
Hello all! Coming at you live, at about 16 weeks pregnant with my second baby by the time this publishes, and I am ready to talk about all of the positive things around “advanced maternal age.” For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “advanced maternal age” is the language used by researchers and medical professionals to define pregnancy at or after the age of 35. This term has been around since the 1950s, with some variations including “elderly pregnancy” and “geriatric pregnancy.” If those are the alternatives, I’ll stick with advanced maternal age (or AMA). The threshold is somewhat arbitrary in that, it signifies a gradual decline in fertility…
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Bump Diaries: The Sequel
Baby number two is on the way! I am so excited to document this pregnancy in all of it's uniqueness.
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Enjoying Life in the “And”
Dearest readers– Just kidding. I’m no Lady Whistledown. She’s great about committing to a weekly release. I did just finish Season 3 of Bridgerton so it felt timely. It has been quite a while since my last blog post– a post that was strangely challenging to write and since then, I’ve had a hard time getting back to the keyboard for one reason or another. If you’re on my email list, you already know that it’s partly due to some anxiety and fear around sharing this next chapter with all of you. Change is scary. I’ve shared so much over these past four years, specifically about my grief as a…
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Our Next Chapter Has Begun
Eighteen months. It’s been a year and a half since I last took pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and wrote on this blog. So much has happened. So much has changed. And there is just so much to share. Last time I checked in, you all learned about my “Band-Aid” date. Welp, Spoiler alert– I’m ENGAGED! Today, I’ll give you a quick run-through of how this all transpired. Many of you may know most of this, so hopefully, this isn’t too redundant and if it is, I promise, there will be more posts to come. Let’s begin with where I’ve been for the last eighteen months. This blog…
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The Band-Aid Date: My First, First Date as a Widow
Let’s cut to the chase friends, I went on my first date. In my last blog post, I mentioned I set a goal for my first, first date and I beat that goal. Please, hold your applause. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to structure this widow dating series to be helpful, slightly entertaining, and, naturally, hit at the core of all the complexities that go along with this adventure. For each post of this series, I’ll have a topic I discuss along with my chronicle of these dating experiences. I will not review every single date I go on, but I think the first one is…
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Dating Update
Hello friends. This week has been heavy, on a macro level. I’ve tried to balance following the war in Ukraine, donating to reputable, vetted causes, finding credible sources, and carrying on with our day-to-day life, knowing that in the background, people are experiencing this unthinkable, unjust terror. My club, the one no one ever wants to be a part of, will grow exponentially as a result of this war. People will die, as so many have in the past, defending their homes, their families, their land, and their freedom. It is gut wrenching. And yet, I still feel the heaviness and the hard of my little world; it seems so insignificant…
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Charleston– You are so Charming
Well, we are almost through February, which means, we’re almost through the doldrums of winter. High five. This year, anticipating that February would be, well, f*ing February, I decided to plan a trip to somewhere slightly warmer with Bryson. This was our first trip as a family of two, without any grandparent help, which may not seem like a big deal, but it was. It meant that I was in charge of all the planning, preparing, carseat handling, stroller maneuvering, and everything that goes along with traveling with a child. I’ve discussed secondary losses in previous blog posts, and this fits right in. Having a travel partner meant I had…
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The Holidays in Grief: Another Secondary Loss
It’s taken me some time to get this blog post up, partly because this time of year, in general, is still hard to process. I’ve honestly thought about taking an actual break from it all; from writing my blog, from social media in general, from publicly transcribing this very real journey I’m on. The loss of Matt, the roller coasters of emotions, my journey into dating. Is it too much? Is it too heavy? For me. For my readers. For my family and friends who have, to some degree, had to relive this devastation and walk alongside me in the aftermath. Ironically, this morning, I received an email from one…
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Identity Loss in Widowhood
We made it! It has been a hot second, blog family. But we made it to Baltimore! Bryson and I are settled into our new home, and have been busy with all the things. Work, friends and family get togethers, outdoor festivals, local trips, and exploring the city streets. Bryson is now a walking, Baltimore GPS system and can name more of the streets, by sight, than I can. Needless to say, I’m pretty impressed. And me? I am feeling more settled than I have in a while. In the wake of another successful A Matter of Hope event, I also completed an intense life coach certification program. That’s right, you…
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A Matter of Hope 2020 vs. A Matter of Hope 2021: A Reflection on My Personal Growth
What a month, friends. Last we spoke, I let you all know that Bryson, Chuck, and I are moving back to Baltimore! A week from today, we close on our house in Charm City and give Baltimore a second breath of Sgambato-life. Can’t get rid of us that easy! If you missed my announcement, make sure to check out my Baltimore blog post, where I go into a bit more detail on why I made this decision and all the factors contributing to this decision. As our close date swiftly approaches, and A Matter of Hope-2021 wraps up, I’ve been doing some reflecting on what I’ve learned over this past…
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We’re Moving to Baltimore!
Life is crazy, dear readers. Life. Is. Crazy. Last fall, I announced my decision to move up to Connecticut. Welp, that was short lived. In typical Xtina fashion, I’m here to let you all know, we’re moving back to Baltimore! If you knew me circa 2010/2011, this may sound strangely familiar. And yet, it is entirely different (but hey, it worked out for me, right?) A couple of years ago, I was forced into the position of redesigning my life and everything I thought it would be. With that, comes processing, changing, re-evaluating and figuring out what serves Bryson and I. Without having my counterpart to bounce these thoughts off of…
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A Quick Widow Life Update
It’s been a while, friends. We’ve had a lot going on these past few months. On top of my day job and taking care of a tyrannical two year old, I started my coaching certification in April, Bryson and I both came down with some nasty viruses (props to daycare), A Matter of Hope is in full swing, and we’ve had a few *gasp* trips. The world appears to be opening back up again and I am here for it. Along with the excitement though, comes a little anxiety. Aside from the brief, blurry two months I had in early widowhood, I haven’t known the “old normal” without Matt by my…
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Preconceptions About Dating As A Young Widow
About a month ago, I wrote my first “dating” blog post touching on my revelation that I’m ready to date again. In that post, I mentioned I still have preconceptions about dating I wanted to work through, which brings us here. While I haven’t spoken much about dating since that post, quite a few friends and family members (I think), felt a little relieved to talk to me about it without “offending” me. I’m not easily offended, but I appreciate their level of care. For the record, I still haven’t gone on any dates or even remotely spoken to someone with the potential of going on a date. I’ve been…
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Keeping Their Memory Alive in Grief
Last weekend was rough. To be honest, weekends aren’t what they used to be right now; one could argue, are they ever? If you’re on my email list, you know all of the thoughts floating around in my head that probably led to a climactic, post-shower cry session. In my “Fear” blog post I wrote back in August of last year, I discussed my fear of the gap; time passing between Matt’s death and the present. I worry about forgetting intricate pieces of Matt; his touch, his laugh, his gaze. All of it. I worry that memories will fall into an abyss and that I will inherently feel “less connected”…
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Permission to Be “Ok” and “Not Ok” Moving Forward
A few weeks ago, when I had my overwhelming week, I felt so mentally drained. My thoughts were literally engaging in a mental tug of war. In my last blog post about giving myself permission to grow and live fully again, I spoke about the concept of post-traumatic growth, finding meaning in my life in the face of loss, and shedding some of the resistance to truly moving forward in my life. I’ve been doing a lot of self-work this year, figuring out how to integrate grief into my life now so that I can help myself and, ultimately, help others while still honoring the loss and the gaping hole…
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Permission to Grow: Choosing Life after Loss
In this next installment of my “Permission” series, I discuss giving myself permission to grow. Going through the trauma of Matt’s death prompted me to take an inventory of my life and ask the very large, somewhat vague question, “who am I?” So much of my identity and my future self was encased in the dreams Matt and I had together. It was comfortable; it was safe; and I believed that even if the road was rocky, we would handle it together. When he died, I lost all of that. It left me in a place of ambiguity, with so many unanswered questions. And while I knew that the only…
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Permission To Date Again As a Young Widow
A couple weeks ago, I was having A WEEK. Sometimes, all of this can be so, overwhelming. And if there’s one thing I know, nothing productive comes from a feeling of “overwhelm.” So, I gave myself permission to take a day off from work for no reason at all except to work through all the messiness happening inside my brain. And what I realized was, it’s time to start giving myself permission. And that, my friends, is the inspiration for this three part blog series. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing three different points of “permission,” starting things off with the heaviest of the three, “permission to date…
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My Wedding Rings
I did a thing. I knew this decision, this choice, would happen sporadically. It had to. On Saturday morning, I woke up and asked my mom if she would come with me, as I sought out the perfect chain to put my rings on. I went to Garieri Jewelers in Sturbridge MA and found the most elegent, rose gold chain to put my wedding ring and engagement ring on. It’s been almost 14 months since Matt died; for the past six months, I’ve had a lot of mind drama over taking my rings off. I scoured blogs, widow groups, and podcasts trying to find even the smallest amount of guidance…
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The Reality of Grief
I recently posted my Sunday update calling for questions from you all. And then I realized, WTF am I doing? I could hear Matt saying “Christina, write what you want to write. No need to censor it or try to appease everyone else.” The truth is, I knew what I wanted to write, but I worry that writing about the reality of grief is “too dark” for people. Most of my readers are family, friends, old classmates, and people I’m connected to outside the grief world (nope, still not a famous blogger over here). Reading about grief is not uplifting and it is definitely not for the person looking for…
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One Year Without You, Matt
Over the course of the year, I’ve shared my experiences as a young, widowed mom. I’ve done everything in my power to preserve Matt’s legacy, show the world what an incredible (and slightly off-center) person he was, and to continue fighting for him every damn day. I’ve probably overshared some of my deepest fears, concerns, and experiences.
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Reflections– One Year of Widowhood
Next week, while the world celebrates Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, our family will feel the stark pain of one year without Matt. While we’ll do our best, as we always do, to create a sense of normalcy out of the abnormal, the hard truth is that Christmas Eve is now a very complicated holiday for us. And while I pray that memories of years past and merriment in the present bring us more laughter than tears, I can’t even begin to mask the void. Last year, I felt like a zombie just rolling through the motions of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the holidays that followed over the coming…
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House Buying 2020 style
In the theme of “lets completely throw life up in the air and see where it falls (#2020),” I bought a house during the pandemic. Not only did I buy a house, I moved hundreds of miles away, back up 95, in an effort to be closer to more family members who can help Bry and I out as we begin our next chapter. Did I mention I never actually stepped foot in the house prior to purchasing it? And that I only stepped foot in my new hometown ONE time before purchasing this house? Would it really be 2020 if it were any other way? Writing this blog, I’m…
