Building our Next Chapter: A Q&A with my husband on partnering and parenting with a widow.

Hello friends. I cannot tell you how excited I am to share this blog. You have spent years following this story from my perspective as a young widow. Now, I’m bringing in a different perspective– one from the person on the other side of the love after loss chapter- my second husband, Paul. As we prepare to welcome our baby girl, Paul and I sat down to reflect on the journey that brought us to this moment—one woven with love, resilience, and a shared commitment to building a life together. So much of my story has been about navigating loss, healing, and finding joy again, but there’s another side to this journey that deserves to be shared. In this conversation, Paul opens up about stepping into a unique role as a partner to a widow, a dad to Bryson, and now a first-time “girl dad.” So without further adieu, let’s hear from the man himself. 

Partnering with a Widow.

Christina: Let’s start from the beginning. My readers may recall some of my “early dating” posts, when I made the decision, a few times over, to start dating again. From my fears to excitement, I shared so much about putting my heart back out there, testing the waters, and believing that chapter two was possible. I had a lot of thoughts about the impossibility of finding someone willing to accept my situation. How did you feel when we first started dating, knowing I was a widow and had been through so much?

Paul: It was a non-factor for me. From the start, there was something magical about you and a special connection I felt with you. In the past, I’d let little inconveniences—like small distances—deter me from second dates or investing time into other women I went on dates with. But with you, being a widow and having a child was never a reason to pull back.

Christina: Blush. I had built so many stories in my head about men seeing my grief as a “factor,” but you didn’t. It was a relief to find someone who I was attracted to and who did not see my grief as a problem or something that needed to be fixed to start a relationship. I know, however, that it doesn’t come without unique challenges.  What were some of the initial challenges of building a life with a young widowed mom? 

Paul: Everyone has their own ‘baggage.’ Grief is the most visible form, and easiest to empathize with. You see the photos, hear the stories, and feel the weight of it all. That being said, it can certainly be intimidating. In your case, I recognized how important your in-law family, an extension of your family, is to you. In a typical situation, I’d just have to win over one set of in-laws, now I had two! I also knew that your friends are also Matt’s friends. I never felt the pressure to live up to Matt, because that would be impossible– and I didn’t want to replace him or for anyone to think I wanted to replace him. More on that later…

As for building a life with a young widow with a child– understanding the balance, timing, and degree of stepping into the parenting role was something to work through. You don’t just become a dad all at once. It felt natural and organic stepping into that role, just like it did with you as your partner. I didn’t have children, so I had to learn to parent and co-parent all at once with a child who was already set in his ways with an established set of norms. He was not used to sharing his mom. Bryson lost his father at such a young age, so at 3, he hadn’t had a day-to-day male presence in his life. Unlike parents who parent together from birth, we had to figure out how to co-parent with a kid who was already a kid. You allowed me to be a parent to Bryson, which helped us tremendously– if you had prevented me from taking on that role, I think we would have had more challenges. 

Christina: I know we’ll get more into this shortly, but allowing someone else to step into our realm and take on a parenting role was as rewarding as it was challenging. To your point, Bryson and I had our rhythm and established set of norms, some of which needed some shaking up. I’m grateful that you were patient enough with me to work through some of that together. Back to us– what was the moment you knew you wanted to build a life with me?

Paul: The love at first sight I experienced is well-documented and the complexities of your past were never a concern. However, I did have a moment the night before I met your friends and family at A Matter of Hope when I stopped to allow myself to feel the weight of stepping in for someone I never met, who wasn’t here anymore, and taking care of his wife, his child, and his dog. The three most important things for any man. I thought about the leap of faith you were taking to introduce this new guy, for the first time, at a celebration for Matt, to all of your family (including his family) and friends. This was the first time I stopped to empathize with you and Matt directly, and that was the moment I realized that nothing was going to scare me away because it didn’t feel like a burden; it felt like an opportunity and responsibility I was honored with. 

Christina: This is my first time hearing this– and I am tearing up. Ironically, A Matter of Hope sealed it for me too- it showed me your character on so many levels. It exemplified your willingness not only to accept all that came along with me, but a desire to be part of it, without trying to change me, change my relationships, or feel burdened.  And here we are now, 2.5 years later. What advice would you give someone dating a widow or widower with children?

Paul: You have to accept the entire package- including their lost love. You are not competing with their first partner. They will feel pain and moments will be bittersweet for them when they’re simply sweet for you. There will be days and milestones when the mourning is deeper. There will always be (I’d imagine) seeds of “what-ifs.”  This doesn’t mean that you are a replacement actor.  I realized early on that I wanted to build a relationship with Matt, and it has been so impactful. I wanted to hear stories about him, learn about him, and meet his people. I ask you questions like “What would he say to this?”  -or- “What would he do here?” I love learning about our similarities and our differences. 

For anyone in my shoes, trust me, your subconscious will think about their lost love and it will come out sooner or later.  I’ve had a few vivid dreams where I interact with Matt in meaningful ways, whether you view it spiritually as him visiting, or an act of the subconscious, processing everything. I can’t do justice to how positive and impactful those dreams have been. In those dreams,  he is accepting of me, and I am accepting of him. There is a special, unspoken bond where you both fell in love with the same person, never stopped loving them, and never had to compete for them, because we live in different chapters of the same book. 

Christina: I hope whoever is reading this, even if you stop here because the rest is all about parenting and fatherhood, you let that sink in– “ and never had to compete for them, because we live in different chapters of the same book.” 

Parenting a Child of a Widow.

Christina: Let’s shift gears a little and talk about parenting a child of a widow. How did you approach becoming a father figure to Bryson? 

Paul: We let it unfold together. We had a couple of small disagreements along the way, especially because you had established routines with him, and I had my inexperienced style, but we worked through them. You were very open to having a parenting partner which allowed less friction for me to step in. I remember asking you at one point amidst one of our challenging moments if you’d really want a guy who just sat back and ignored a kid because they’re not “his.” I bought into the entire package. 

Christina: One of the only times Matt and I discussed the possibility of him dying, he mentioned to me how important it was to him that I found love and happiness again and that Bryson had a father figure. That stuck with me, especially in moments of guilt. I am so grateful to have found someone willing to, patiently, step into that role. What has been the most rewarding part of parenting Bryson?

Paul: Bryson isn’t only my son, he’s my little “‘bro.” We have our inside jokes, we watch sports together, and seeing him grow into this caring little person has been amazing. The other day at soccer, when one of his teammates fell, he turned around and extended his hand to him. Proud dad moment. 

Christina: Watching the relationship you have with Bryson grow into something special has been one of the highlights of my life. The love you both share for each other, even when we need to be parents and not friends, is truly remarkable.  How do you balance stepping into the role of a father while still respecting Matt’s relationship with Bryson?

Paul: Bryson is Matt’s legacy, and similar to our relationship, we aren’t in a competition. To this day, I stop and think “What would Matt think about how I parent Bryson?” There’s a sketch of Matt holding Bryson hanging in his room and you keep your last name hyphenated for a variety of reasons but it also serves as a reminder for Bryson that he can be proud of his name and his Sgambato side even if it’s different than mine. 

Christina: We talk to Bryson about having two dads, each playing different roles for him. I’m sure there will be more questions and obstacles along the way, but to this point, he doesn’t battle that. He is very proud of all sides of his family and heritage. What’s your favorite memory with Bryson so far?

Paul: I am a huge Knicks fan, and really, New York sports fan (one thing you and I do not agree on). My favorite memories with my dad are watching and bonding over sports, so I really wanted to see if I could get Bryson to watch the Knicks with me. I told him I’d buy him a Knicks shirt if they won the game. He watched the full game and cheered like a die-hard fan. The game went into OT and a Bulls player kept scoring to keep the game close. Bryson finally exclaimed, “That guy Caruso is a dingleberry!” The Knicks did win and Bryson got his shirt– and I have a memory for life 😀

Christina: I’m glad I wasn’t expecting something super sentimental there. You both bring out some of the most hilarious moments in each other. And now my child knows the word “dingleberry.” How do you think your relationship with Bryson has prepared you for fatherhood with our baby girl?

Paul: Everyone always tells you “kids grow up fast” and to “cherish every moment.” I feel like Bryson went from three to almost six in a flash. I’ve validated it’s no exaggeration, so I’ll try to appreciate every sleepless night, screaming baby, and dirty diaper. 

Christina: I think the appreciation comes later on ha! I do think, just by watching how you’ve adapted your parenting skills over the last two years, you’ve learned a level of patience that can be challenging as a first-time parent. Let’s talk about baby girl. 

Preparing for Fatherhood…Again!

Christina: Some of the questions throughout the blog post came directly from my readers and followers, so thank you all! A few of them in particular revolved around this topic. What are you most excited about as you prepare to become a first-time baby girl dad and how many children do you want?

Paul: I’m 100% ready to be a girl-dad and hyper-confident that I can handle the baby stage. I’m excited to raise a powerhouse little lady. When I was a kid, I always thought three kids was the perfect number, especially because I was one of three. But, at this stage, one boy and one girl sounds perfect.

Christina: So funny- I was more in the two-kid camp, probably because I was one of two. I know we’ve casually discussed whether or not this is “it” for us– it’s hard to make that decision. At this point, I’m focused on bringing a healthy little one into this world, and we’ll take it from there. You seem so confident– any fears or anxieties as you think about parenting two kids at different stages?

Paul: Honestly, my anxieties are more about when they’re older. I’m saving those worries for middle school! As far as the kids being at different stages, I see that as a benefit. Bryson is more self-sufficient when it comes to basic life skills, like buckling himself in, cleaning his messes (ish), etc. The odds of simultaneous tantrums are minimal.  I’ll be able to share my attention more easily because their wants/needs are different. Bryson and I can go outside and play sports together for a few years before our little lady wants to do that too. She’ll have her needs, but they’ll be different than Bryson’s just based on where they are at.

Building this Next Chapter Together.

Christina: I’ve learned so much from this interview– I feel like we have great communication but these aren’t topics we discuss or reflect on all the time. Thank you for being so open with me and my readers. What have you learned about resilience and growth through our relationship? How do we honor our past while still focusing on our chapter?

Paul: Witnessing and following your journey, I’ve realized that grief and emotional “baggage” manifests in different ways for different people. You can feel it, express it, and spend time there, but it also doesn’t have to define your entire being. I’ve dealt with life explosions and losses, and being with you has only reinforced that. We honor our loved ones and make them proud while carving out our path. 

Christina: From the outside, it may be harder to understand, but I believe that as we build on our path it’s natural to envelope our loved ones into our story, especially because we are both not afraid to talk about them. In your opinion, what is the most important factor in creating a strong partnership?

Paul: Communication. Hands down. It is NOT cliché or hype. If we argue, we talk it out. If we’re arguing more than usual, we sit down and figure out what’s happening. There’s an instinct to always say “Yeah.” when someone asks if you’re ok. Having the vulnerability to correct yourself and say “Actually, I’m not ok,” is game-changing. There’s a book called The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, and it discusses vulnerability-based trust, and how important that is to building a successful team. That rings true.

Christina: Can you tell he’s an HR leader? In that vein, how do you think our experiences in particular have shaped how we approach our future?

Paul: We appreciate the highs but don’t take them for granted.  We have the grit to handle the lows because we’ve been through some of the worst situations a young wife or, in my case, a teenager can go through. We challenge ourselves to remember why we work but try hard not to lose ourselves in our work at the expense of more important things. 

Christina: That is something very special I’ve learned from you– not to completely lose myself in my occupation or the demands of work at the expense of time with my family. We both understand, firsthand, the brevity of life and how quickly everything can change. What are you most looking forward to as we continue to grow our family and navigate life as partners and parents?

Paul: My favorite era of wrestling was the New World Order era when seemingly every week a new member would join the faction and they’d toss them the nWo shirt. I’m looking forward to our Wolfpac growing because we’ve got a helluva trio, and I can’t wait to see what this mysterious new addition will bring to round out our dynamic. I can’t wait to see the relationship Bryson and our baby girl have, especially because I know how excited he is to meet her. I hope she idolizes him and he cherishes the big brother role for a lifetime.

Christina: I can’t wait to see how Bryson and Jellybean’s relationship grows over time and the kind of role he takes on. He is just so excited. Ok, the last question of the interview comes from one of your favorite, frozen yogurt-loving sister-in-laws. Do you like frozen yogurt? If so, what’s your favorite flavor?

Paul: Frozen yogurt is like ice cream pretty much right? I think I’ve had it before back in the 90s. I’m going with vanilla. Remember, I was a single dude buying his groceries from the age of 17 through 37, so frozen yogurt was not the type of lavish luxury I pursued. Side note, Gogurt should not be frozen, I don’t care what the media tells you.

Christina: We’ll save Paul’s intricate analysis of frozen Gogurts for a different interview. Thank you so much, again, for taking the time to answer all of these questions, honestly and openly. We don’t often hear from those who have partnered with widows or widowers and, in my opinion, understanding that perspective is just as important. 

Well, readers, this is already one of my longest blog posts, so I will spare you a long outro. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this interview as much as I enjoyed conducting it. I hope it’s provided more insight into our relationship, the challenges we’ve faced, the work we’ve put in, and a helpful perspective. 

Be on the lookout this weekend for the release of our next round of winners in Jellybean’s Baby Bracket challenge!  

Until next time, 

Christina