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So this is 40: Ramblings on my 40th Birthday
Today, I turned forty. Wow. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been conducting an internal investigation to understand why this feels so significant. Maybe it’s the cultural weight of entering a new decade. Maybe it’s because December always has a way of stirring things up for me. Or perhaps it’s because, if I’m being honest, the last decade of my life bears almost no resemblance to the decade I thought I’d have. I’ve been writing down notes, little reflections, gentle reckonings, honest observations as I grapple with this milestone, but as I sit here, writing this with my everyday morning coffee in hand, everything feels a little louder. A little…
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On the Edge of 40: Gratitude, in All Its Forms
As we head into Thanksgiving, I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude. ’Tis the season of “What are you thankful for?”; a question that sounds gentle enough until someone asks it during a year when simply brushing your hair feels like an achievement. Or worse, during a year when that question feels insulting, naive, and jaded, especially during the holiday season when emotions are high, and loss is even more pronounced. For perspective on the holidays and grief, check out this post I wrote back in 2021. Gratitude as a Luxury For years, gratitude was one of those concepts people told me I should cling to; a healing tool, a…
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On the Edge of Turning 40
In sixish weeks, I’m turning 40. It’s just a number, right? I’ve never been the type to get worked up over age. Maybe it’s because I was always the youngest growing up. I was the last to get her license, the last to turn 18, the last to turn 21. It’s funny how your attitude shifts from “finally!” to “already?” Turning 30 didn’t faze me. I laugh along with the “getting old” jokes among my friends. Even after experiencing the kind of loss that permanently rearranges your relationship with time, I’ve still seen my birthday as a reason for celebration. I’m acutely aware, painfully aware, of how fortunate I am…
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Moving Out of the City: What to Consider When Making the Jump
For the last 15 years, Baltimore has been more than just where I lived—it’s been the backdrop of my adulthood, my greatest love stories, my lifelong friendships, and the kind of growth that only comes from being rooted in a place that truly feels like home. I’ve walked nearly every corner of my favorite neighborhoods, with purpose and pride, always quick to defend it, always deeply grateful to call it home. So when we decided to move out of the city, it wasn’t a decision I took lightly. I knew deep down, long-term, we would eventually leave the city. As Paul and I took steps to blend our lives together,…
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This is 39: Reflections and Goals for 2025 (and 39)
Well, we almost made it friends– and 2024 has been a wild one. As I sit down to reflect on 2024, on the eve of my 39th birthday, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this past year. I didn’t create a “word of the year” for myself in 2024, but if I did, it would have been “rebuild.” That’s not to say all of the rebuilding happened in 2024– it’s been years of resetting, digging into the foundation and core of who I am and what I want from this life, and reflection. And, let’s be honest, I’m still a work in progress. Aren’t we…
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Five Years Without You– A Letter to Matt
Tomorrow, Christmas Eve will mark five years since Matt left this earth. Five years of grief, change, and learning to exist in a world I never imagined. So much has changed, and yet, so much remains. About a month after Matt died, I penned a letter to him. It seems fitting to do the same, five years later. Five years feels like five minutes and five lifetimes. The initial sting of acute grief has dissipated, but new faces of grief emerge. The fear that accompanies time and distance. As I hold onto Matt’s memory and legacy, will other people? Will they remember his presence as vividly as I do? Even…
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Second Trimester Recap: Navigating New Emotions and Familiar Challenges
How are we here already? Sometimes it feels like time is flying and other times I’m asking “Are we there yet?” We will officially say goodbye to the second trimester on Sunday, and it feels like the perfect time to reflect on the past few months of this pregnancy journey. From surprising symptoms to emotional revelations, this trimester has been a whirlwind and a window into the complex layers of second-time motherhood. Here’s how things have unfolded—the wonderful, the challenging, and everything in between. Second Trimester Symptoms: Same Ride, Different Stops Every pregnancy is unique, and this one has certainly proven that point. While some symptoms mirrored those I experienced…
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Building our Next Chapter: A Q&A with my husband on partnering and parenting with a widow.
Hello friends. I cannot tell you how excited I am to share this blog. You have spent years following this story from my perspective as a young widow. Now, I’m bringing in a different perspective– one from the person on the other side of the love after loss chapter- my second husband, Paul. As we prepare to welcome our baby girl, Paul and I sat down to reflect on the journey that brought us to this moment—one woven with love, resilience, and a shared commitment to building a life together. So much of my story has been about navigating loss, healing, and finding joy again, but there’s another side to…
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Balancing Joy and Grief in my Second Pregnancy after Widowhood
Navigating Complex Emotions: Joy, Fear, and Grief Hi friends– coming to you live, 19 weeks pregnant, and in this blog post, I’m bringing you all deeper into my psyche and experience, as I balance joy, grief, and a slew of complicated emotions during this second pregnancy after losing Matt and beginning this next chapter with Paul. Before we get into that, I’ve had a lot of questions about how things are going right now. Physically, the second trimester has been much easier. My nausea has subsided, I have more energy (most of the time) and, now, it’s just a matter of watching my belly grow and my body rapidly change.…
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Our Next Chapter Has Begun
Eighteen months. It’s been a year and a half since I last took pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and wrote on this blog. So much has happened. So much has changed. And there is just so much to share. Last time I checked in, you all learned about my “Band-Aid” date. Welp, Spoiler alert– I’m ENGAGED! Today, I’ll give you a quick run-through of how this all transpired. Many of you may know most of this, so hopefully, this isn’t too redundant and if it is, I promise, there will be more posts to come. Let’s begin with where I’ve been for the last eighteen months. This blog…
