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On the Edge of Turning 40
In sixish weeks, I’m turning 40. It’s just a number, right? I’ve never been the type to get worked up over age. Maybe it’s because I was always the youngest growing up. I was the last to get her license, the last to turn 18, the last to turn 21. It’s funny how your attitude shifts from “finally!” to “already?” Turning 30 didn’t faze me. I laugh along with the “getting old” jokes among my friends. Even after experiencing the kind of loss that permanently rearranges your relationship with time, I’ve still seen my birthday as a reason for celebration. I’m acutely aware, painfully aware, of how fortunate I am…
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A Quick Widow Life Update
It’s been a while, friends. We’ve had a lot going on these past few months. On top of my day job and taking care of a tyrannical two year old, I started my coaching certification in April, Bryson and I both came down with some nasty viruses (props to daycare), A Matter of Hope is in full swing, and we’ve had a few *gasp* trips. The world appears to be opening back up again and I am here for it. Along with the excitement though, comes a little anxiety. Aside from the brief, blurry two months I had in early widowhood, I haven’t known the “old normal” without Matt by my…
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Preconceptions About Dating As A Young Widow
About a month ago, I wrote my first “dating” blog post touching on my revelation that I’m ready to date again. In that post, I mentioned I still have preconceptions about dating I wanted to work through, which brings us here. While I haven’t spoken much about dating since that post, quite a few friends and family members (I think), felt a little relieved to talk to me about it without “offending” me. I’m not easily offended, but I appreciate their level of care. For the record, I still haven’t gone on any dates or even remotely spoken to someone with the potential of going on a date. I’ve been…
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Permission to Be “Ok” and “Not Ok” Moving Forward
A few weeks ago, when I had my overwhelming week, I felt so mentally drained. My thoughts were literally engaging in a mental tug of war. In my last blog post about giving myself permission to grow and live fully again, I spoke about the concept of post-traumatic growth, finding meaning in my life in the face of loss, and shedding some of the resistance to truly moving forward in my life. I’ve been doing a lot of self-work this year, figuring out how to integrate grief into my life now so that I can help myself and, ultimately, help others while still honoring the loss and the gaping hole…
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Reflections– One Year of Widowhood
Next week, while the world celebrates Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, our family will feel the stark pain of one year without Matt. While we’ll do our best, as we always do, to create a sense of normalcy out of the abnormal, the hard truth is that Christmas Eve is now a very complicated holiday for us. And while I pray that memories of years past and merriment in the present bring us more laughter than tears, I can’t even begin to mask the void. Last year, I felt like a zombie just rolling through the motions of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the holidays that followed over the coming…
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A Matter of Hope, Vacation, and Mini-Life Update
What happened to August? No idea. What happened in August? Everything. So much to talk about, I don’t even know where to begin. We’ll start with the obvious, my passion project, A Matter of Hope. Leading up to A Matter of Hope, I had this really calm assurance that everything would work out how it was supposed to. Trust me, after spending months pivoting, changing plans, and looking for ways to make this work, my random optimism was personally quite refreshing. I guess I felt like we did everything possible to make this successful, and at the end of the day, that’s all that mattered. It helped that we surpassed…
